I got really good at hiding.. hiding my daily panic attacks , my anxiety, my insomnia (as I was often working at night as well) but whatever I was hiding was showing in my body. I kept ignoring all the signs form my body & all the wake up calls. I had weekly restorative yoga sessions with my teacher & graphics designer Tim and so I would justify my busy-ness by reminding myself "oh I have an hour with Tim".
Well the years went by and I kept going...
until one day...it all stopped.. literally... the Universe/God stopped me.. and that through my vision !
I am actually sharing the Coles notes of this story as I know you may also not have the time to read such a lengthy post !
I was facilitating a Yoga retreat in Kashmir & Ladakh in August 2019. After the retreat, myself & a few participants came to Mcleod Ganj. It was monsoon season and everything was lush green. I was standing on our hotel balcony in the Satorberi side of Mcelod Ganj looking down at the villages and the landscape. I closed my eyes and thought "wow that would be so awesome to live down there". I walked away.. but God definitely heard my silent prayer.
I had just returned back to Vancouver from my India travels on Sept 10th, 2019 and 10 days later on Sept 20th my left eye started to swell up. I "thought" I would be okay so continued to work but my eye kept getting worse. I had no choice but to go to the hospital. They brought in all sorts of specialists, but they had no explanation for my eye. They determined it was conjunctivitis and put me on medication through an IV. I had to visit the hospital daily for these visits. I could not drive myself but an Angel miraculously appeared to help me with this.. she would bring more Angels in the coming days ahead to support me as well. My left eye was not getting better and then my right eye was also showing signs of swelling. The infection had spread...here I was with 2 eyes swollen shut.. and if I could manage to open them, my vision was very blurry. The Doctors still could not offer any explanation, my best friend from Calgary flew in (Oh this incident happened when I was living in Vancouver) and asked them to stop administering the antibiotics as they were making my condition worse. My eyes were swollen, my whole body was super swollen from the medications. I didn't really know if I would ever see clearly again. It was just me & my tears in the darkness. However I knew deep down in my soul.. that I was never going to slow down .. there was no choice.. this was bound to happen. I had ignored all the quiet whispers of my soul. I had many dreams in the hospital, from my childhood,..dreams that I was never able to fulfill.. and one of them was India. I have always wanted to live in India.. in the Himalayas (I even forced my parents to send me to boarding school there when I was 14!) but years went by and life evolved as such.
My dream I thought would remain just that.. a dream. I envisioned with my inner 3rd eye a beautiful home nestled in the Himalayas. In the same landscape I saw from that balcony on the monsoon August morning ~"my house in the Himalayas". One night I dreamed of Lord Hanuman (The Monkey God) flying to me and sitting with me at my bedside in the hospital and from that day, my eyes started to get better slowly. I started to feel Waheguru & Raam (God) in my heart. I had angels from my yoga community & family surrounding me with prayers, food, love & support. They really lifted me up in so many ways...and many times from my bedside until I was able to hold my head up myself and then slowly walk myself.
My eyes slowly started to heal.. and I "thought" I have the best idea ever.. I will move closer to work, this way I will be more efficient (enter in many eye rolls here especially from my parents). So my Angel, who would drive me to the hospital, started driving me now to get my new apartment organized and set up. I really did love my apartment in Surrey, I managed to manifest the exact building I have always wanted to live in !). On Nov 1st, I was all moved in and ready to begin a new chapter of life.. that of "more work" !
I'm sure the Universe was thinking.."this one is never going to stop"...and 5 months later in March 2020 the whole world stopped due to the Corona Virus and so did I.. I had no choice, my flight was cancelled multiple times and uncertainty became my best friend... as I'm sure it did with everyone.
I will be writing about my healing journey and this process in the days to come.
It all started with my eyes.. and with my body screaming "STOP".. no more.. its time to do less, relax..its time for Araam .. and 3 years later...Araam Ka Ghar ( Home of Relaxation aka My Home in The Himalayas - well not mine anymore.. its now for all those who are looking for a safe space of healing) was born. As Araam was being constructed ....my healing journey and rebuilding of my inner sense of self continued along side. I also began to work on a new offering ... Araam Retreats. These retreats include all the practices which healed me (and continue to do so). I will facilitate these retreats from Aaam Ka Ghar.
& so I present to you all today.. my souls path & life's calling... "Araam".. Tim (my graphic designer & do-less teacher & coach) embodied my vision in this logo with the "a" representing an eye..
Oh and yes I manifested a Himalayan village to build in - in the same area where I was looking down and I made that silent prayer on that monsoon August morning.
Many hands and souls came together to build Araam. For those souls, I am eternally grateful ! Grateful to God & the Universe for this creation and for all those doors that closed on me in 2020 which opened new doors for me that I had never even imagined !
Looking forward to sharing more again soon...
"Your eyes show the strength of your soul" ~ Paulo Coehlo
"My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected.” – Anna M. Uhlich
“Your eyes will always be closer to your soul than to any other part of your body except the heart.” ― Sorin Cerin
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust